I rang my suppliers the other day (that
was the middle of January 2003).
Usually I get straight through to a salesperson and read my order
to them and a few moments later I get back to repairing things
About Christmas I first noticed that
it took a little longer to get through
"Probably the Christmas rush", I said to myself and
waited for the call to be answered
A few days later the next call was answered
pretty quickly
I started to ask if I may place an order but then found it was
a recorded announcement
"Your call is important to us", the voice said
Then some distorted music came on the line
A few minutes later a voice came on to repeat that "My call
was important to them",
I thought that they were fibbing and I was really intruding so I hung up and rang another supplier
Since then the delays have got longer
Not only does my arm get tired holding the phone to my ear but
I'm paying for the call
It's not too bad when the ringing doesn't get answered but when you are obliged to listen AND PAY for distorted music, I'd rather it was Radio 4 and straight from my wireless
The other day I needed to check on the
availability of something
All I got was a recorded voice and distorted music so I logged
onto their web-site and tried searching for what I needed
I gave up
Websites are no use when what you require just isn't there
I wasted a lot of time
I then wasted more time writing to the firm via their embedded
"talk to us" e-mail facility
I finished filling in a long-winded form and keyed in my complaint
I hit the send button and nothing happened
I looked at the screen
I hadn't filled in a field
I did this but noticed the carefully worded message had been truncated
Soon after… I got a reply
It seems that my complaint had been forwarded… with lots
and lots of others on the same subject
Will they listen?
Who knows?
Would you believe it!
I received a letter today (3 months later, 2nd May 2003) apologising for problems placing orders. Too late for some maybe?
I got a letter from BT
At least it was the latest totally indecipherable statement from
them for our telephone line
The envelope was stuffed with papers
One caught my eye
"The Waiting is over", it said
"Broadband is here"
Excellent I thought and I rang the number it gave to get switched
on
I didn't get through to anyone
Just a bored voice telling me to "Press button 1 if I was
moving house", or "Press button 2 if I wanted this or
that"
I waited.. this usually works
Eventually there was a ringing and a
voice answered
"What's your phone number", it asked
I tried to ask about broadband but the voice wouldn't let me
"What's your phone number"
"What's your name"
"What's your address"
"What's your postcode"
"I only want to ask about broadband"
"I have to check you are who you say you are", said
the voice
I said, "The waiting is over
Broadband has arrived
I have a letter in my hand telling me so"
"You can get broadband from other
people", said the voice
"Its you I'm calling", I said
"When can you connect me?",
I asked
"I have to check if your exchange is appropriate", said
the voice
"It must be", I said
"I have a letter here saying the waiting is over"
"No that's just a circular", said the voice
"Do you mean my waiting isn't over?", I asked
"I'll just check your exchange", said the voice
"There are 89 pre-registrations", said the voice
"What does that mean?", I asked
"Well when the trigger level is reached the exchange will be modified and you can have broadband"
"What's the trigger level?", I asked
"There isn't one", said the voice
"What do you mean then?", I asked
"Well the thermometer is about half way up so maybe another 100 pre-registrations are required before the review"
"What review?"
"When the trigger level is reached there will be a review"
"But there isn't a trigger level", I said
"No", said the voice
We received a letter from the Inland Revenue in January 2003
It was addressed to my wife
It had her name at the top of the letter
Underneath her name it had her National Insurance Number
The letter said she had forgotten to fill in "Box xyz"
What was required in "Box xyz"?
Her National insurance Number
She copied it from the top of the letter into "Box xyz"
It also said that she hadn't filled in her bank details
It said across the top of the form
"Do not fill in bank details if you want to open a Post Office Account"
She rang the Inland Revenue last month
"Don't fill in your bank details if you want to open a Post Office Account", she was informed
She didn't fill in the boxes
The letter said, "you don't have to post the reply"
"You can ring the number at the top of the page and someone will enter the details on their computer"
That seemed a good idea
I didn't have to hike off to the post box
I rang the number
"Press 1 if you've moved house", it said
"Press 2 if you…."
I waited, listening then pressed the required number
A voice said, "All the operators are busy", and I should wait
Horrible distorted music came on the line
I waited and waited and waited...
Recorded voices came and went, until
after 15 minutes
A voice came on and said, "there is an unprecedented number
of calls", and I should try again later
I wrote a note on the bottom of the form about having wasted lots of time and money listening to recorded voices and distorted music
The letter was posted…
We all ought to complain whenever we think we're being taken for granted!
It's now February 2003
A first class letter dropped on the mat
"If you haven't sent your form in do so now or else!"
Maybe they haven't received our form?
I rang. I rang again. I rang lots of times and eventually got through.
"We have your form", a voice said.
"Why did you send us a letter then?"
"Everyone was sent a letter. It was a mistake", the voice said.
It's now March 2003.
A first class letter dropped on the mat
"If you haven't sent your form in do so now or else!"
"But they have our form. It's a computer error", I said.
It's now April 2003.
A first class letter dropped on the mat
"If you haven't sent your form in do so now or else!"
"But I think they have our form. It's probably a computer error", I said.
Just think of the postage costs.
1 million letters x 3 x postage is more than £800,000
It's now May 2003.
My wife is still waiting for her cheque due at the beginning of April
In fact we're waiting for four cheques now.
If I'm a day late with my Tax Return there's a £100 fine.
I asked the Post Office lady. "Are the new Inland Revenue Accounts all up and running yet?"
"No", she said, "not yet."
I rang the special number on the last letter.
It was busy. "Press 3 to use Ringback", a voice said. I pressed "3". A voice said, "that facility is not availiable on this number."
I rang and rang and rang but the number is always busy.
I sent an e-mail but I haven't received a reply.
What next?
I know, I'll ring up a different number...
Busy... but this one just went click after a few moments and I was cut off.
I'll look in the local phone book under "Inland Revenue".
All the helpline numbers looked decidely unpromising so I rang the "General Number".
It rang and a voice said... "All or advisors are busy.. we'll try to connect you..."
Then a second recording said they were still trying to connect me..
Then a third recording suggested I tried again later...
At this point my phone battery had nearly expired, so better safe than sorry I popped over to the workshop phone.
After nearly 30 minutes of listening to the voice suggesting I try again later and trying to determine whether the tiny sound that preceded the voice was the rattle of a spoon against teacup, a loud voice asked me what I wanted.
For a few moments I forgot why I was holding the phone to my ear...
I explained why I was ringing but to no avail. The young lady could not access "The System". "Did you elect to be paid monthly through your bank", she asked?
"I don't believe so", I said. "I think you owe us four seperate weeks giros."
"There are hardship payments", she said.
"I bet that won't cover three mortgage payments", I said.
She agreed but couldn't help further.
"Do you have an ombudsman or someone to whom I can complain", I asked?
"Oh yes we have a chap here to whom I can connect you..", and without a delay of more than a few moments there he was.
I explained again.
"Did you elect to be paid through your bank monthly?"
"I don't believe so", I said. "That's why I'm complaining. You owe us for four weeks".
He tapped a few keys.
"You're correct", he said. "The good news is that there is a giro coming your way on the 6th May".
I did a quick calculation from the figures he quoted.
"That's four weeks payments.
We shall be rich beyond our wildest dreams", I said.
"Before I go", I said. "Can I just mention about the letter we received telling us to fill in our form or else".
"Everyone got one of those", he said. "The computers couldn't work out whose forms we 'd received and whose we hadn't so we sent a letter to everyone on the database".
"How many people are on the database", I asked.
"Millions", he replied.
"Do you know how much money those letters cost?", I asked him.
"No", he said.
"Well", I said, "just the postage for the first class mail cost a conservative £800,000 per million people.
For 9 million un-necessary letters that's nearly two and a half million pounds!"
He wasn't the least concerned, and said it was a good way of making sure everyone put in a claim.
"At least the postman's bags were kept full", I said.
Roll on next week. It'll be like winning the lottery when that giro arrives!
Post script... two giros arrived..
Made out to me not my wife... strange.. I thought this new scheme was designed to give cash direct to my wife not me!
Anyway... I didn't apply for it.. she did?
You just can't get the staff these days!
I spoke too soon.. the next day another giro dropped on the mat... this one addressed to my wife
And another the next day!
That'll be three covering letters in the pipeline too. A total of eight letters, all first class to send one payment!
Who is writing the software for these new computer systems run by the Inland Revenue?
I know. It's a fifth columnist from the Royal Mail drumming up more business!
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